My Name is Trixy Deans and I am a crossdresser.

Well this blog is about me or to be more precise the feminine side of me who goes by the name of Trixy Deans. Why Trixy Deans you might ask, well at the time that I was starting my online presence I obviously needed a feminine name, Trixy Deans just popped into my head (more about things popping into my head later) it reminded me of Dixie deans who was an old Everton footballer which is strange in itself as I am a Manchester United fan.   Well as my online presence has grown over the years it has become more difficult to change the name so I am stuck with it.

So anyway, my name is Trixy Deans and I am a crossdresser.

A recent picture

It all began at the tender age of 9  the first item of feminine attire that I wore was my sisters black swimming costume she was 11 at the time. As the years passed I graduated to my sister’s and mother’s underwear I only dressed in panties, slips and pantyhose, I suffered from the usual guilty feelings after each session, and no matter how many times I told myself never again, I always would return to my sisters or mother underwear draw with their treasure trove of silky delights.

On leaving school I moved to London to work for the world’s favourite Airline as an engineering apprentice,  so my dressing came to an abrupt halt as I was cut off from my supply of underwear.

For the next 17 years my dressing sessions were limited to the wearing my girlfriends and eventually my wife’s underwear in secret.

My first wife passed away at an early age from breast cancer and I was a young father with two young children. I met and fell love with a girl who was 10 years my junior, we eventual married, at the start of our relationship I confessed to my desire to dress as a woman. She was shocked at first but has been supportive ever since. The only rules that she put in place were not in front of the children (we had three more) and never in public, that was 30 years ago this year.

Well my dressing progressed sporadically over the years but really flourished when I spend a couple of years living and working apart from my family. I lived alone in a small flat so was able to dress at will. It was during this period that I stared to accumulate my own cloths and first experimented with make-up and wigs. It was also at this time that I realised that I wanted to look as feminine as possible and that looking like a bloke in a dress was no longer enough.

Well the family and I were eventually reunited so my dressing opportunities were limited once again. This situation continued for a few years until once again I was living and working apart from my family. During the next 3 years my dressing really took off and I acquired a large wardrobe and honed my makeup skills.

Once again, I was back living with my family and have never worked away from them since. With the kids at home dressing opportunities were again limited. This situation continued for the next 8 years. Things changed for the better when I was able to work a couple of days a week from home which meant that I was finally alone in an empty house so my dressing opportunities flourished once again.  I still had to be aware of when the kids, still living at home, would be coming home from work or college. There was an element of surprise in their return times which led to a few close calls (more of that in later posts.)

A picture from 2014 the start of my final journey

So, since 2013 I am able to dress almost at will and with the advent of online shopping I have built up a large and varied wardrobe. I still consider myself to be a football loving golf playing man who likes to become a girly girl every now and then. I remember having a conversation with my wife in the car around the time of the Caitlin Jenner story and I told here don’t worry dear I don’t want to do a Caitlin.

Well that enough for now

I was never a boy scout



Now you might think that the title of this post is a little weird considering the subject matter is crossdressing but in my home country the motto of the boy scout organisation is “Be prepared” well today I was not a good boy scout because I was not prepared for was to unfold.

A bought a lovely pair of over the knee boots on line and they had arrived over a week ago and I was desperate to wear them. With Christmas and New year fast approaching today was probably the last opportunity before the new year to wear them. I could not contemplate waiting another two weeks so I was determined to have some Trixy time with my new boots.

What has this got to do with boy scouts I hear you ask bear with me I am getting there.

Down here in the southern hemisphere the school summer holidays have just begun. My daughter who live a few minutes away looks after a few kids during the holidays.  She usually brings them over for a swim in our pool after lunch.  I therefore thought that I could squeeze in a couple of hours of Trixy time before she arrived.

Thigh High boots Fantasy bucket list Tick 

Everything was going smoothly I dropped the wife at work as usual and on returning home proceeded to become Trixy.  I was upstairs in my den about 10 minutes into the photoshoot when I heard the voice of my granddaughter outside the house, I peeked out of the window and to my horror saw not only my granddaughter but all of my daughter’s charges coming down the driveway in their togs obviously coming for a swim.

Well to say I panicked would be an understatement   I was trapped upstairs with my daughter and a hoard of kids outside, luckily all the doors were locked and my daughter doesn’t have a spare key.

I had a decision to make do I make a dash down the stairs to the relative safety of our bedroom, risking discovery on the way or wait it out upstairs, knowing that the kids would be around for a couple of hours then leave.  The biggest danger was from my daughter calling me to let her into the house, she could see that I was home as my car was in the drive.

Thigh High boots and Leggings Fantasy Bucket list tick

I know what about the boy scouts I am nearly there.

In the past during Trixy time I would have a goody bag with makeup remover and stuff so that I could remove my makeup in a hurry if disturbed so like a good boy scout I was prepared.

Well today I was a bad boy scout I did not have my emergency kit so I wasn’t prepared for the situation that I found myself in.

Fortunately, there is a bathroom adjacent to my den so if required I could remove most of the makeup before I made my dash downstairs but my finger nails were a lovely plum colour and the nail polish remover was in the bedroom downstairs.

When my heart rate returned to somewhere near normal I decided that I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity for Trixy time and continued with the photoshoot. (Photoshoot sounds so glamorous it is just me taking a load of pictures with a tripod and a self-timing camera)

So, with one ear listening to the kids in the pool and the other waiting for my phone to ring I continued with the picture taking and the accompanying wardrobe changes.

I also made a few videos in which I explained my dilemma and trying to look relaxed.

After about 60 mins my phone rang it was my daughter I didn’t answer it but decided it was time to make that dash.  Luckily my son’s bedroom is on the first floor and after removing all the girly stuff corset boobs etc I borrowed a t-shirt and a pair of track pants from my son’s room, scrubbed my face almost clean of makeup, stuffed my hand in the pockets and slipped down the stairs into the safety of the bedroom. I re-emerged a few minutes later with clean nails and after a quick shower all traces of Trixy were gone.

I decided not to go outside and talk to my daughter as I didn’t want to explain the missed call, so I made a bit of lunch and returned to the den to start the day’s work.


Well, today was the closed I have come to being discovered, but for that short time when I was posing for pics with the threat of discovery hanging over me, my heart pounding, my throat dry I felt fantastic, although I don’t think I want to experience anything like that again.


Hugs Trixy

19th December 2017

Weak at the knees


Today was a Trixy day I was at the early stage of the transformation, (I had almost completed the foundation), when a courier arrived. I quickly put on shorts and T-shirt and went to the door to pick up my goodies. The courier driver was still sitting in his van in the driveway he gave me a friendly smile and a thumbs up, I return his greeting and retired indoors to open my booty.   It was only as I walked past the mirror in the bed room that I realised that my face was covered in light coloured foundation I am not sure if the driver noticed OOPPS


Any who all the outfits that I had selected for the day were tossed aside, when I discovered that the parcel was from Lindy Bop and contained two new dresses, I unpacked them and they looked even more beautiful than on the website.

I continued with my transformation barely able to contain my excitement (so to speak) finally all was complete and I stood in front of the mirror in my new dress, what I saw took my breath away, all I could see was a beautiful girl (I know I am too modest) in a beautiful dress.

I honestly went weak at the knees, and it took me a few minutes to regain my composure.  The boy side of me was gone completely subsumed by the girl looking back at me I think it was this that gave me such a shock.

I have discussed this topic before in a previous post but I was stunned to see nothing but a girl looking back at me from the mirror.   I thought I knew where I sat on the transgender spectrum but that was until I looked in the mirror today, what I saw caused me to reassess that position.


Well after a wonderful day posing in my new dresses I have had time to reflect and I have concluded that I am still just a man in a dress. Yes, I would love to spend more time as Trixy, yes, I would like to spend time out and about as Trixy but living as a woman 24/7 that must be a big fat (well size 16) NO!


Working from Home

Working from Home 


I work from home and only have to go into the office for meetings on average once a month, so  sometimes I can combine business with pleasure, yesterday was one of those days.  I dropped the wife at work as is usual on my none golfing days and returned home to start my working day. I knew I would have to put in a solid eight hours of work to meet a deadline but first a girl needs to dress appropriately for the office. I chose a classic black pencil skirt, white top nude, hose and black heels.


I had to review a complex contract and produce a costing estimate (yawn, yawn I know) which involved a lot of typing, I do love the sight of my painted nails as they flash around the keyboard. I did not complete the task before it was time to return to boy mode but I did take some time out for a few pics all  in all it was a very satisfying day. There is something to be said for working in the real world while dressed as my hidden alter ego. Then there are the conference calls (without video of course) when I have discussions with colleagues from around the world dressed as Trixy it is such a rush  and it brings to mind the words from the song

“If my friends could see me now”

Love Trixy


Dick Pics


New Skirt 

I have a very active Flickr account where I share my pics (obviously) and interact with other girls and boys. I have great fun with Flickr but one persistent issue drives me nuts. Despite my profile clearly stating that I do not want to see any male junk I am constantly bombarded with pics of other people’s dicks. Now I have nothing against dicks in general in fact I have one of my own but just because I occasional (OK more than occasionally in fact any chance that I get) take on the female persona doesn’t mean that I am attracted to dicks (except my own of course).  It has become a bit of a fun game in that when I receive a message telling me that someone new is following me I try to guess, based upon their user name, if their pics include dicks. Now sometimes it is all too easy “Bigjim 69” for instance (no this is not a real name just an example) would be a sure thing, on other occasions it is not that obvious. There are some  beautiful gurls that I have had to block  not because they are flashing but because their favs are full of dicks.  I am currently blocking 711 people for committing the dick pic crime and proberly add a couple more each week.

Now I can appreciate (sort of) why gender males would like to try and impress me with pics of their dicks and in a way, it flatters my feminine side (a little). I have difficulty understanding why a beautiful looking CD feels the need to display her boner in all its glory. I suspect we all have/do get aroused at some time when being girly but why spoil the illusion by displaying the main thing that differentiates us from “real” girls (this might get me into trouble in today’s gender fluid era LOL ).

Anyway, while they keep flashing I’ll keep blocking End of rant love to all Trixy.


Purge or Cull?

Warning: All images on this page are of clothes that are no longer with us.

IMG_0050 (2)


The Post Office in our area has recently provided the posties with electric vehicles similar to a golf cart, previously they could be seen delivering the mail on bicycles in all kinds of weather.  On the way to dropping my wife at work the other day I mentioned in passing that the previous day the postie had come to the door to deliver the mail proudly parking her new cart in the driveway.

My wife’s immediate response was “what have you been buying now?”.

To explain my wife’s strange response you need to know that, our postie only comes to the door when she has a small package to deliver and most of the packages that arrive at our house are for Trixy.  My wife is fully supportive of Trixy but she does like to keep a tight rein on Trixy’s clothing budget (I have a fixed amount to spend each year) so I expected to receive a telling off for  spending more money. To my surprise she said that I needed to curtail my Trixy purchases because we were running out of space to store them.

Whilst unexpected my wife’s comment was very true, over the years Trixy’s clothes have migrated from our shared wardrobe to the wardrobe in a spare bedroom which is almost full. My wife’s comment got me thinking and on returning home I emptied the entire contents of Trixy’s wardrobe onto the spare bed (thankfully it is a large double) and proceeded to review each item deciding what would stay and what would go to the local Hospice charity shop.

This dress was so tight it took 20 minutes to get it on. CULLED

Unlike on previous occasions when Trixy’s clothes have been thrown out this was a cull rather than a purge. Girls we have all been thought the cycle of guilt driven purges when we have tried to deny the feminine side of our personalities by purging all of our girly clothes. My purges stopped with the discovery of the internet and finding that I was not alone in wanting to dress in girl’s clothes and was able to leave behind the guilty feelings.

With all the various dresses, skirts, blouses etc laid out on the bed I had to choose what was to go. Some of the decisions were very easy as they fell into the “What was I thinking” category others where not, but I had to be strong and after much dithering and a few tears (we had been together a long time LOL) I finally had enough clothes to fill a large tightly packed bin bag and more importantly significantly more room in the wardrobe.

Every one departed Sob


To prevent any backsliding, I immediately loaded the heavy bag into the car along with a box of my wife’s stuff that she had been nagging me for weeks to take away and delivered them to the hospice shop.  I am not sure what they thought when the opened my bag of clothes but I hope they judged me kindly.  The shop has an extensive window display and as I pass by each day I look to see if any of my clothes have made it into the window, now wouldn’t that be nice LOL

A final farewell to a skirt well loved

Hugs Trixy

Is that really me?


I have recently spent some time viewing and editing videos from my various dressing sessions. I hate the way that I walk so I edit out the parts where I approach the camera to turn it off, the sight of me marching along would turn anyone off. I like my rear view so to speak but I hate when I am turning around from front to back and catch sight of myself  side on UGH, as for the voice.

I was a silent movie star for years as anyone who has seen my early videos on YouTube will attest to. I have found my voice in the last year or so, it varies between an effeminate male and a gruff builder. I have recently decided to just speak softly using my normal voice not sure, if it works but hey I don’t have to fool anyone in real life as I am still in the closet as far as public appearances go.

Well after a few hours of editing I became aware that I was no longer seeing the person in the video as myself but as someone else, a woman (I wanted to say girl but I think that I am beyond that now). This realisation was a little unnerving such that I had to stop what I was doing and just stare at the screen.  Obviously, I knew that the woman on the screen was me but at that point in time I could only see a woman and could see nothing of the male me in those images, it was quite a shock.


I have always considered myself   to be a male heterosexual crossdresser, to quote Grayson Perry “I am just a man in a dress”. I have never thought of myself as a girl in a boy’s body so this sudden disconnect between the male and female parts of me was a little confusing, I originally typed disturbing here and am still a little conflicted as to which word best described my feelings at that time.

There is a saying that pops up on social media from time to time, “what’s the difference between crossdressing and transgender about two years.” I consider this and other similar sayings or memes if you will as just meaningless words but the disconnected experience of the other day has left me feeling a little unbalanced and the confused feelings of my youth have resurfaced but without the guilt.

I have never really thought about becoming a woman full time, yes, I would love to spend more time as Trixy and venture out into the big wide world but living 24/7 as a woman?. Perhaps this is the big question I am too scared to ask myself, the reason why seeing images of myself not as a man dressed as a woman but just as a woman has unbalanced me so much.

Hugs Trixy