Today I thought that I would be home alone for a couple of hours. I was undecided if I would dress as there was such a short time available. As I was desperate to try on some recent purchases, I proceeded to get all dressed up less the make-up. Having gone through the agony of getting the body into shape I decided that the face needed some attention. I applied very minimum make up and proceeded with the mini photoshoot, all the time acutely aware of the time pressure. Thinking that I had until noon to clean up I started the process at 11:15. I was using the upstairs bathroom to remove my lippy and eye make-up with the intention of using the downstairs (better) shower to remove the remaining foundation etc. At the last minute I decided to use the upstairs shower for the final cleanup. Imagine my surprise when, on leaving the bathroom in nothing but a towel, I came face to face with my daughter in law who having returned early from her outing was putting our grandson to bed.
nothing for her to see but if I had followed through on my original plan, we
would have come face to face with my face fully made up less lips and eyes Phew
This, the latest
in a string of near misses, has come about as a result of my son and his partner
moving in with us to save for a house of their own. This has severely curtailed
Trixy time which is why I am taking a few more risks than I normally would with
my dressing sessions.
The Magic (when does it begin and when does it end)
The magic begins for me during the transition into Trixy at the point when I start to feel like a girl.
I always apply my make up before I get dressed so, after the mandatory close shave (not with the kids coming home early) I sit in front of the makeup mirror and begin. I do my make up in the same order, foundation with loads of concealer, eyes, (my wife thinks that my eyes are the most feminine part of my face) and finally my lips. It is with the lips that the magic begins, I spend a lot of time making sure they are perfect (as perfect as I can get them) and when I have finished I only see a girl in the mirror. I don’t have my wig on at this point and in most cases I am only wearing a pair of boxers but I can feel the magic begin.
When does the magic end, it ends during the deconstruction of the feminine me when I remove my wig. The deconstruction is performed in front of a full-length mirror, as I peel off each layer I can only see the girly me in the mirror, eventually I am standing in just my wig a gaff and makeup but the reflection is still a girl. The spell is finally broken when I remove the wig, with this final act of deconstruction the reflection immediately becomes a man.
If I remove my wig at the start of the deconstruction the magic ends, no matter how gorgeous and feminine the clothes I am wearing are, without the wig I become a man in a dress and a silly looking man at that.
So, it begins with the lips and ends with the wig, but what happens in between is pure magic.
My wife works in the duty-free shop of our countries main international airport. She is a BA specializing in perfumes and beauty products. Every year her company provides staff with $1000 with which to purchase perfumes and cosmetics at heavily discounted prices. The other evening, I helped my wife make her selections for this year (the order form is spreadsheet based and I have to drive it for her). My wife as usual selected her favorite perfumes and a little make up, I was allowed to add a few things to the list. When she had finished the total spend was only $820,
“Well.” she said “you can spend the rest on whatever you want.”
Oh, what a lucky girl I am.
I didn’t need any further encouragement, I added lots of lippy, foundation and eye shadow to the list, the prices were incredible low so I have probably bought enough lippy to last a lifetime. I have to admit that I was a little sneaky in that as I was setting up the spreadsheet I had a quick look at what was on offer and added a few things to the list before my wife came into the room, so some of the original $820 was for me as well.
I cannot wait for the big box of goodies to arrive
Now you might think that the title of this post is a little weird considering the subject matter is crossdressing but in my home country the motto of the boy scout organisation is “Be prepared” well today I was not a good boy scout because I was not prepared for what was to unfold.
I had bought a lovely pair of over the knee boots on line which had arrived over a week ago so I was desperate to wear them. Christmas and New year was fast approaching so today was probably the last opportunity before the new year to wear them. I could not contemplate waiting another two weeks so I was determined that today was for Trixy time with my new boots.
What has this got to do with boy scouts I hear you ask hold on I am getting there.
Down here in the southern hemisphere the school summer holidays have just begun. My daughter, who lives a few minutes away, looks after a few kids during the holidays. She usually brings them over for a swim in our pool after lunch. based upon past behavior I thought that I could squeeze in a couple of hours of Trixy time before she arrived.
Everything was going smoothly, I dropped the wife at work as usual and on returning home proceeded to become Trixy. I was upstairs in my den approximately 10 minutes into the photo shoot when I heard the voice of my granddaughter outside the house, I peeked out of the window and to my horror saw not only my granddaughter but all of my daughter’s charges coming down the driveway in their togs, obviously coming for a swim.
Well to say I panicked would be an understatement I was trapped upstairs with my daughter and a hoard of kids outside, luckily all the doors were locked and my daughter doesn’t have a spare key.
I had a decision to make do I make a dash down the stairs to the relative safety of the bedroom, risking discovery on the way or wait it out upstairs, knowing that the kids would be around for a couple of hours then leave. The biggest danger was from my daughter calling me to let her into the house, she could see that I was home as my car was in the drive.
I know what about the boy scouts, I am nearly there.
In the past during Trixy time I would have a emergency kit of makeup remover etc so that I could quickly remove my makeup if disturbed so like a good boy scout I was prepared.
Well today I was a bad boy scout, I did not have my emergency kit so I wasn’t prepared for the situation that I found myself in.
Fortunately, there is a bathroom adjacent to my den so if required I could remove most of the makeup before I made my dash downstairs but my finger nails were a lovely plum colour and the nail polish remover was in the bedroom downstairs.
When my heart rate returned to somewhere near normal I decided that I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity for Trixy time and continued with the photoshoot. (Photoshoot sounds so glamorous it is just me taking a load of pictures with a tripod and a self-timing camera)
So, with one ear listening to the kids in the pool and the other waiting for my phone to ring I continued with the picture taking and the accompanying wardrobe changes.
I also made a few videos in which I explained my dilemma and trying to look relaxed.
After about 60 mins my phone rang it was my daughter I didn’t answer it but decided it was time to make that dash. Luckily my son’s bedroom is on the first floor and after removing all the girly stuff corset boobs etc I borrowed a t-shirt and a pair of track pants from my son’s room, scrubbed my face almost clean of makeup, stuffed my hand in the pockets and slipped down the stairs into the safety of the bedroom. I re-emerged a few minutes later with clean nails and after a quick shower all traces of Trixy were gone.
I decided not to go outside and talk to my daughter as I didn’t want to explain the missed call, so I made a bit of lunch and returned to the den to start the day’s work.
Well, today was the closed I have come to being discovered, but for that short time when I was posing for pics with the threat of discovery hanging over me, my heart pounding, my throat dry, I felt fantastic, although I don’t think I want to experience anything like that again.
Today was a Trixy day I was at the early stage of the transformation, (I had almost completed the foundation), when a courier arrived. I quickly put on shorts and T-shirt and went to the door to pick up my goodies. The courier driver was still sitting in his van in the driveway he gave me a friendly smile and a thumbs up, I return his greeting and retired indoors to open my booty. It was only as I walked past the mirror in the bed room that I realised that my face was covered in light coloured foundation I am not sure if the driver noticed OOPPS
Any who all the outfits that I had selected for the day were tossed aside, when I discovered that the parcel was from Lindy Bop and contained two new dresses, I unpacked them and they looked even more beautiful than on the website.
I continued with my transformation barely able to contain my excitement (so to speak) finally all was complete and I stood in front of the mirror in my new dress, what I saw took my breath away, all I could see was a beautiful girl (I know I am too modest) in a beautiful dress.
I honestly went weak at the knees, and it took me a few minutes to regain my composure. The boy side of me was gone completely subsumed by the girl looking back at me I think it was this that gave me such a shock.
I have discussed this topic before in a previous post but I was stunned to see nothing but a girl looking back at me from the mirror. I thought I knew where I sat on the transgender spectrum but that was until I looked in the mirror today, what I saw caused me to reassess that position.
Well after a wonderful day posing in my new dresses I have had time to reflect and I have concluded that I am still just a man in a dress. Yes, I would love to spend more time as Trixy, yes, I would like to spend time out and about as Trixy but living as a woman 24/7 that must be a big fat (well size 16) NO!
I work from home and only have to go into the office for meetings on average once a month, so sometimes I can combine business with pleasure, yesterday was one of those days. I dropped the wife at work as is usual on my none golfing days and returned home to start my working day. I knew I would have to put in a solid eight hours of work to meet a deadline but first a girl needs to dress appropriately for the office. I chose a classic black pencil skirt, white top nude, hose and black heels.
I had to review a complex contract and produce a costing estimate (yawn, yawn I know) which involved a lot of typing, I do love the sight of my painted nails as they flash around the keyboard. I did not complete the task before it was time to return to boy mode but I did take some time out for a few pics all in all it was a very satisfying day. There is something to be said for working in the real world while dressed as my hidden alter ego. Then there are the conference calls (without video of course) when I have discussions with colleagues from around the world dressed as Trixy it is such a rush and it brings to mind the words from the song
I have a very active Flickr account where I share my pics (obviously) and interact with other girls and boys. I have great fun with Flickr but one persistent issue drives me nuts. Despite my profile clearly stating that I do not want to see any male junk I am constantly bombarded with pics of other people’s dicks. Now I have nothing against dicks in general in fact I have one of my own but just because I occasional (OK more than occasionally in fact any chance that I get) take on the female persona doesn’t mean that I am attracted to dicks (except my own of course). It has become a bit of a fun game in that when I receive a message telling me that someone new is following me I try to guess, based upon their user name, if their pics include dicks. Now sometimes it is all too easy “Bigjim 69” for instance (no this is not a real name just an example) would be a sure thing, on other occasions it is not that obvious. There are some beautiful gurls that I have had to block not because they are flashing but because their favs are full of dicks. I am currently blocking 711 people for committing the dick pic crime and proberly add a couple more each week.
Now I can appreciate (sort of) why gender males would like to try and impress me with pics of their dicks and in a way, it flatters my feminine side (a little). I have difficulty understanding why a beautiful looking CD feels the need to display her boner in all its glory. I suspect we all have/do get aroused at some time when being girly but why spoil the illusion by displaying the main thing that differentiates us from “real” girls (this might get me into trouble in today’s gender fluid era LOL ).
Anyway, while they keep flashing I’ll keep blocking End of rant love to all Trixy.
Warning: All images on this page are of clothes that are no longer with us.
The Post Office in our area has recently provided the posties with electric vehicles similar to a golf cart, previously they could be seen delivering the mail on bicycles in all kinds of weather. On the way to dropping my wife at work the other day I mentioned in passing that the previous day the postie had come to the door to deliver the mail proudly parking her new cart in the driveway.
My wife’s immediate response was “what have you been buying now?”.
To explain my wife’s strange response you need to know that, our postie only comes to the door when she has a small package to deliver and most of the packages that arrive at our house are for Trixy. My wife is fully supportive of Trixy but she does like to keep a tight rein on Trixy’s clothing budget (I have a fixed amount to spend each year) so I expected to receive a telling off for spending more money. To my surprise she said that I needed to curtail my Trixy purchases because we were running out of space to store them.
Whilst unexpected my wife’s comment was very true, over the years Trixy’s clothes have migrated from our shared wardrobe to the wardrobe in a spare bedroom which is almost full. My wife’s comment got me thinking and on returning home I emptied the entire contents of Trixy’s wardrobe onto the spare bed (thankfully it is a large double) and proceeded to review each item deciding what would stay and what would go to the local Hospice charity shop.
Unlike on previous occasions when Trixy’s clothes have been thrown out this was a cull rather than a purge. Girls we have all been thought the cycle of guilt driven purges when we have tried to deny the feminine side of our personalities by purging all of our girly clothes. My purges stopped with the discovery of the internet and finding that I was not alone in wanting to dress in girl’s clothes and was able to leave behind the guilty feelings.
With all the various dresses, skirts, blouses etc laid out on the bed I had to choose what was to go. Some of the decisions were very easy as they fell into the “What was I thinking” category others where not, but I had to be strong and after much dithering and a few tears (we had been together a long time LOL) I finally had enough clothes to fill a large tightly packed bin bag and more importantly significantly more room in the wardrobe.
To prevent any backsliding, I immediately loaded the heavy bag into the car along with a box of my wife’s stuff that she had been nagging me for weeks to take away and delivered them to the hospice shop. I am not sure what they thought when the opened my bag of clothes but I hope they judged me kindly. The shop has an extensive window display and as I pass by each day I look to see if any of my clothes have made it into the window, now wouldn’t that be nice LOL
I have recently spent some time viewing and editing videos from my various dressing sessions. I hate the way that I walk so I edit out the parts where I approach the camera to turn it off, the sight of me marching along would turn anyone off. I like my rear view so to speak but I hate when I am turning around from front to back and catch sight of myself side on UGH, as for the voice.
I was a silent movie star for years as anyone who has seen my early videos on YouTube will attest to. I have found my voice in the last year or so, it varies between an effeminate male and a gruff builder. I have recently decided to just speak softly using my normal voice not sure, if it works but hey I don’t have to fool anyone in real life as I am still in the closet as far as public appearances go.
Well after a few hours of editing I became aware that I was no longer seeing the person in the video as myself but as someone else, a woman (I wanted to say girl but I think that I am beyond that now). This realisation was a little unnerving such that I had to stop what I was doing and just stare at the screen. Obviously, I knew that the woman on the screen was me but at that point in time I could only see a woman and could see nothing of the male me in those images, it was quite a shock.
I have always considered myself to be a male heterosexual crossdresser, to quote Grayson Perry “I am just a man in a dress”. I have never thought of myself as a girl in a boy’s body so this sudden disconnect between the male and female parts of me was a little confusing, I originally typed disturbing here and am still a little conflicted as to which word best described my feelings at that time.
There is a saying that pops up on social media from time to time, “what’s the difference between crossdressing and transgender about two years.” I consider this and other similar sayings or memes if you will as just meaningless words but the disconnected experience of the other day has left me feeling a little unbalanced and the confused feelings of my youth have resurfaced but without the guilt.
I have never really thought about becoming a woman full time, yes, I would love to spend more time as Trixy and venture out into the big wide world but living 24/7 as a woman?. Perhaps this is the big question I am too scared to ask myself, the reason why seeing images of myself not as a man dressed as a woman but just as a woman has unbalanced me so much.